One-LINERS

To the guy who stole my identity: I know who you are.

To whoever stole my flea-infested clown suit: So who's laughing now?

To the person who stole my flamethrower: That's not cool.

I want to buy a llama, and name it Como Se.

If our Lord had access to social media, would He be inviting people to "Follow me?"

A priest, a rabbi, and an armadillo walk into a bar . . . (ted troxel)

Carpe deum. Seize the day. Carpe carp. Seize the fish. (pat reiber)

“Oh, no! I dropped my toothpaste!” He said, crestfallen.

Have you seen that new scary movie about Boy Scouts? I hear it’s really in tents.

RULE OF 3

Looking to add short accounts that make use of or break the Rule of Three. Stay tuned.

LYRICS

My First Sad Country Song:

She up and left me early Monday morning / And this time I believe she's gone to stay / 'Cause here I am again on Wednesday evening / Wond'rin' how I ever made it through another day / When she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone away

I know we had communication problems / I think I'd done 'bout all that I could do / I even tried an intervention specialist / who used picture cards in black-and-white to help us to improve / But she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone away / And she didn't even try to say goodbye / Yeah, she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone away

It always worked before / I'd throw the ball, she'd fetch it / She'd bring me back my ball / our ball, she'd bring it back / Isn't that what retrievers do? / Isn't that what Golden Retrievers do? / Yeah she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone away / And she didn't even try to write or call to say goodbye / Yeah she's long gone, gone long, gone away